Writing an article and that too for Darpan is a thought that dreads me the most. I mean I can write just about anything on some other platform like my blog or scribble on the floor for my 9 month old where I need not worry for being judged for my writing skills. But in Darpan, the ever wonderful and ‘professional’ audience makes me conscious of the fact that whatever I write is being read by an elite group so to speak!! So here I am with yet another attempt at writing something meaningful which falls in the category of ‘Elegant and meaningful writing’ as the purists would like to call it. But suddenly, I feel a rapid surge of revolt engulfing me from deep inside and questioning me as to why we always need to toe a predefined line of being right or wrong? Why the writing has to be ‘good’ always? Why can’t there be a separate category of literature dedicated specifically to ‘bad’ writing, something which does not meet the stringent standards set by those so called self proclaimed puritanical pundits? I surrender to my inner voice and decide its time I take up cudgels in my hand and do the impossible – write something real bad. Well, with bad I don’t mean indulging in some kind of blasphemy or writing in Chinese fonts. I would rather tweak the usual motif in writing and attempt at something random, something desultory – literally that is.
When I was in school, there used to be a competition wherein you are required to speak for 2 minutes in front of an audience on just about anything without pausing even for a second – the catch being the rules of the game that the sentences should be complete and grammatically correct and that there should no repetitions of any of the lines spoken already. I thought why not try this out in writing. But then, a sane mind would ask what’s the fun in attempting the same in writing when you have all the time at your disposal and you can double check anytime to ensure you meet all the rules and guidelines of the game. So I thought why not make it interesting in terms of its content if not the conventional rules. That’s true – I would attempt at writing complete sentences but with one condition – they should be as desultory as possible in terms of the meaning they are conveying and should take you for a ride literally. So here I start. (I know I would never get an invitation for writing an article for Darpan after you read this but I am not complaining!!).
Once upon a time, there was a king and he did not posses a Bluetooth device with him. To makeup for it, president Bush went for a vacation in the Prairies and the Steppes, parts of which are in Wyoming and Montana states. The first book he read there was not Casino Royale since he doesn’t like reading. Prairies and Steppes have counterparts in Deccan and Malwa and the Vindhya range in the south, though the list is not comprehensive. A comprehensive list can be found in Yellow pages wherein you generally find phone number which you are not looking for. And coming to talk about it, who coined the name ‘Yellow pages’? Why not red, blue or purple? I have never been able to recognize purple color in my life and I am not color blind genetically even though we have the complete map of human genome which unfortunately can not be found on yahoo or google map. Google does offer notepad functionality that can compensate for my color blindness which I strongly deny having it. So basically what I am hinting here is that yellow pages can be stored in Google notepad though the limitation is one’s ability to lookup the right phone number and that can be truly tedious as happened in case of Star fisheries and Star garage. Which movie was that? RGV’s Aag and the sequel to RGV’s Aag should be called RGV’s Aag’s Dhua!! Dhua means smoking which is harmful for health and putting gory pics on Cigarette packets won’t deter them anyways. Whom you are kidding Mr. Health Minister? And the reason Uttappa played so well is because he did not watch RGV’s Aag which conversely means that he doesn’t smoke. Bluetooth, Bush, Prairies, Casino Royale, Malwa, Yellow pages, Google, RGV – all these terms have one thing in common. Nope, I am not referring to the fact that they all are random in nature but the fact that they all are proper noun if you remember Wren and Martin’s torture called ‘Grammar’. I have typed in exactly 765 words so far and I am not done with my definition of randomness. But in the larger interest of society, I am calling it peace and inviting you to the World Military games in Hyderabad to be held sometimes in 2007 A.D. which I bet could not have been foreseen by Nostradamus. Nostradamus could not have foreseen a stupid article like this one too since he had no idea about escape velocity. But then it wasn’t his mistake as the king did not have a Bluetooth device in the first place.
PEACE!!
PS - Darpan is an office magazine which was initiated when I was in TCS.
