How I met your mother ? - Part 1

The idea of this blog came from an American TV serial with the same name which is a popular if not a superhit sitcom from their regular lot and is aired on CBS if I can recall correctly (and on Star World in India). In fact I am a big fan of the female protagonist in the serial played out by a hot Canadian actress named Coby Smulders. I guess she has even starred in some Hollywood movies. Anyways, so back to my story – ‘How I met your mother’ is a simple but sweet story I would like to pass on to my progeny (2+ years old now) which would serve him as a proof that his dad wasn’t as boring and unromantic as he would like to believe when he grows up !! So here goes my son - your dad’s ONLY romantic venture which met with 100% success (needless to say the previous attempts were all big time flops and may not even qualify to be called ‘attempts’ at winning over fairer sex during his pre marital struggling days!)

Cut to December 2002. It all started with the news that one of my cousins Yogesh is all set to get married in a remote place called ‘Aamgaon’, a small hamlet near Gondia which is a town near Nagpur which is a city in the geographical center of India, a country in the....(talk about my geographical senses or lack of it!). Initially I had no plans to witness the marriage in person as I am really averse to attending family functions (I hate relatives!) and that too in a hamlet with no probability of even getting a mineral water bottle made me think twice. But a phone call from my parents did the trick – they informed me that they have received a prospective ‘Rishta’ which has come for me from a respectable family settled in Bhilai (a town near the same hamlet which is near ...well you got the idea!!) . My plans to visit the hamlet to attend cousin’s marriage got sealed with my sis sharing the insider info that the girl’s pic (which had landed in her hand as part of initial exchange of ladka/ladki’s biodata/horoscope between the 2 families) was simply ‘outstanding’ and that I should not miss the trip at any cost. So what was the common thread between the hamlet story and the prospective ‘rishta’ stuff – the Bhilai family was a close relatives of the Aamgaon’s bride family and would be present in full attendance in the December marriage in the hamlet and that I would have a chance to meet up with the ‘girl’. Considering my state of mind during that time, it was nothing short of a visit to ‘Mecca Medina’. Meanwhile my sis sent me the soft copy of girl’s pic which made my resolve to visit the hamlet stronger even if it meant risking my precious life due to the absence of potable water (well mineral water I mean!). So my son – your dad went all the way to a remote hamlet to meet your mother inspite of huge perceived threat to his life!! Please be always proud of this fact about your dad and yes, the first moral of the story for you is – a hamlet without the availability of mineral water is the best place to find your girl..!!

December 6th 2002 – I set off for the hamlet from Nagpur in a privately rented bus along with all the Baraatis for my cousin’s marriage. I had mixed thoughts with a good possibility that the whole boy/girl meet affair might just not even happen (too many factors play a role here if you follow the arranged marriage process closely). The Baraat reached the hamlet after an arduous 5 hours bus journey with most of the road being dusty and broken. My first impression about the hamlet was not that bad though – it was a kind of beautiful countryside dotted with a horizon line made up by steep rock hills all around. The flip side was - the roads were ‘pugdandis’ (can’t define this word, you ought to see it yourself to get the right definition) with most of the houses made out of red bricks (‘Kavelus’ in Hindi) and cows/cattle grazing at regular distances but since I was on a mission here, I braved all the odds without uttering a word. The Baraatis got busy in settling down in the ‘Janwasa’ which is a designated high area given out to them for getting ready for the evening marriage ritual. I, along with my father had already got to meet my prospective father in law which at least confirmed the ‘meet’ in the evening function. While the Baraat was getting ready for the marriage, I took out some time and went to a nearby hill rock with a few of my baraati gang members and really enjoyed the fresh breeze of air which is so rare in a cosmopolitan surrounding.

How I met your mother ? - Part 2

The Baraat started heading for the marriage venue by around 7 PM. I was wearing a fusion dress code for the event – a black jeans and a black blazer over a yellow colored full neck t-shirt. Surprisingly, I was looking less worse that day as per my own standards. I shook my legs and danced a bit along with other Baraatis and infact enjoyed it too even though I am not so much a ‘dance’ person. The long drawn marriage process started with Baraatis eventually reaching the venue, the first event being the ‘Varmala’ event wherein bride and groom put a big size ‘garland’ around either’s neck. Till this point in time, I had no inkling or clue about the ‘girl’ I was told about. Then suddenly from nowhere, my prospective father in law appeared and took my dad aside and whispered a few words which were inaudible to me. I could see my dad leaning sideward and then exchanging a few words with him before heading back towards me. Watching dad coming towards me, I pretended I had not seen/heard anything (as a son, I was taught not to be enthusiastic about girls in presence of elders). He pointed me towards the crowd at the other end of the marriage lawn and said ‘she is Sonu’ directing his fingers towards a group of girls with one of them wearing pink saree. I said ‘Sonu who?’ He looked at me and smiled and I got the message. As I was trying to have a good second glance at the pink saree clad girl, my dad had already disappeared as I saw him being led away by my father in law. As my eyes started tracing the ‘pink girl’ further, I saw her being introduced to my dad at the other end of the lawn. From this point onwards, it was a cat and mouse game with both of us being aware about what’s happening around. At times, I was following her in the grass lawn with couple of my Baarati gang members and at other times, she was following me and my gang along with her gang. Our eyes met a couple of times and she, contrary to the image of a typical Indian girl in such scenarios, didn’t have any expressions of ‘shyness’ or ‘coyness’ and that to me was unexpected from a town girl though in a way it made me more curious about her. In this cat and mouse game, I had absolutely no inkling about my cousin’s marriage for which I had come here officially. Neither was I getting any urge to drink mineral water in this whole game. So my son, the 2nd morale of the story is – venture in an inhabitable terrain (where there is no mineral water) ONLY and ONLY if there is a beautiful girl around!!

By midnight, all Baraatis had left the marriage venue and were back to Janwasa for the second phase of marriage ritual called ‘saat pheras’ which continues all through the night. Somehow I was feeling physically exhausted and tired as I didn’t have proper dinner/ food (don’t feel like eating in such a mass event) and I actually didn’t have any water as I just couldn’t bring up myself to swallow regular water served there. Though physically exhausted, my mind was racing with what I had seen/gone through and wanted to be back in the ‘mandap’ asap. But being an unathletic person that I am, I crashed in a makeshift bed in the Janwasa and was dreaming big time in my deep sleep. Somewhere around 2AM, one of my cousins came and started waking me up mentioning that my presence was required in the ‘mandap’ for some marriage ritual. I was still in a somnambulant stage to analyze what was happening, I just put my blazer on and went to the nearby ‘mandap’. And behold – I saw Sonu with the entire gang of hers already present in the mandap with the entire mandap brightly lit up and the saat pheras ritual in full swing. It turned out that I was called there to help out the groom save his shoes which were being targeted by Sonu’s gang as part of ‘Juta chori’ ritual which is a lighter side of an otherwise boring marriage rituals. The scene was straight out of ‘Hum Aapke hai Kaun’ movie with Salman/Madhuri having a similar ‘juta chori’ sequence in the movie. In this whole milieu as I was busy protecting the shoes from the evil eyes of the opposite gang, I was called by a couple of elderly people in the distant corner of the mandap. I thought I may just have to go and touch feet of a few elderly people (a typical routine in such functions and be back asap) but it turned out to be something different – before I could realize what’s happening around, I was being introduced to my prospective mother in law. She said a few nice things which I don’t recall now exactly and waived towards Sonu who was still engrossed in drawing up ‘Shoe’ plans with her gang. Mom in law gestured her to come towards where we were standing. My heart was racing at its pulsating high when all these drama was being enacted out. Both of us just said ‘hi’ to each other when introduced formally for the first time. I could not muster enough courage to keep looking/ staring at her as I was surrounded by at least 4 elderly people from all 4 directions. I just said Namaste to all and came back to my seat. The ‘Juta Chori’ episode was back on track and was played out to the climax where the opposite gang had to concede defeat as they could not lay their hands on the groom’s shoes (though my wife till date disputes this version saying her gang just did a favor by not pursuing the ‘juta’ any further). Whatever it might be, I did steal a few moments in that whole ‘juta episode’ with Sonu and tried to strike a conversation or two with her.

I left for Nagpur in the wee hours of morning after the last ritual of marriage called ‘Bidaai’ (bride’s journey to her new home) and upon reaching there, it was almost official that both of us were engaged. The marriage took place around 3 months later in March 2003 and both of us would always treasure and cherish our first meeting forever in our life. So my son, this is how I happened to meet your mother. And finally, the 3rd and the last morale of the story – chase a girl only if you are good at the ‘Juta chori’ business!!

Jai Ho Bollywood

I have never reviewed a movie on my blog but when a certain movie with deshi theme generates so much international/domestic media interest and gets nominated for almost all international movie awards(Oscars, Golden Globe etc), I thought to check out the buzz all by myself. Its a different story how I ended up watching the movie in a slick city theater(my only second movie in a theater after Don2 in 2006!!). Alright so here is my verdict on this movie - Slumdog Millionaire(SM) is an out and out bollywood masala type feel good movie made in a potupurri of hindi/english language. Thats about it folks - nothing less nothing more.
The storyline is so much bollywoodish - hero's childhood trauma, lost love, struggling life, a villain and eventually a happy ending! So how come a movie which is almost a bollywood formula film dished out in the backdrop of notorious Mumbai slums could strike a chord with the world audience? I thought about it for a while longer and soon got messed up in the cobweb of too many plausible reasons which clogged my mind. This blog was an afterthougt of that quagmire which completely hung up my thinking apparatus called brain so to speak and hope it would boot up my brain normally once I am done with the post. So here are those cluttered thoughts in random order enumerating why the movie created history of sorts -
1) The first and foremost reason SM got noticed by the world audience - it is made by a seasoned holywood director Danny Boyle (I saw 'A Life Less Ordinary' a few years back and only realized now that it was one of the 20 odd movies directed so far by him). I would like to put my neck out on the line by making an almost racist statement here-had this movie been made by an Indian director, I bet it would have been just like another run of the mill bollywood movie which might have done a weeks business(or even less) and then would have quickly faded in our ephemeral memory. To prove my point, compare this movie with Oscar referred Lagaan starring Aamir. Both the movies have exactly same common themes - feel good factor, never die spirit, a love angle and an ultimate victory in trying circumstances. Yet Lagaan couldn't make it even in Foreign film category in the then Oscars whereas SM is a hot favourite in almost all mainstream categories spanning the entire gamut of the current Oscar awards. Its very difficult to pin point this anomaly but I have made a few attempts in as many points below. So read on.
2) The movie literally personifies feel good factor with love being its epicenter. Now considering the times we are living in - recession, terrorism etc, it ain't a surprise that anything which feels good would connect with the audience instantly. However it doesn't lessen the goodness of the movie by any means.
3) The biggest contributing factor for making this movie a hit as per my hyposthesis here is the clever interwinding of a T.V show called 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' with the main plot of the movie. Now for this sole point, I would give entire credit to Vikas Swarup, the author of the book 'Q&A' which is adapted in the movie. The show is a well known T.V show in almost all civilized countries of the world and hence was a common running thread to connect the story with the planet's mortals. I would bet my money in saying that this movie would not have connected so well had it not been for the inclusion of the game show in the movie.
4) A.R Rahman got accolades from all over the world for his music in the movie. Let me be bluntly honest here - he has scored an absolute average routine music as per his own standards for this movie. We in India as Indians know what A.R Rahman is and what kind of sole touching music he can churn out. I would put it this way - the world just got introduced to A.R Rahman's talent through this movie. However the talent as exhibited by him in this movie is not even the tip of the iceberg to put it that way. Its like the world self rejoicing in the discovery of a stoneage wheel when Rahman has already given us(the Indians) formula one cars!!

Notwithstanding all the above mentioned points, the movie is definitely a must dekho for all the movie lovers in India but with a caution line - dont overexpect from this film(we are so used to this genre of films). But to the foreign audience - expect the unexpected, unexperienced thrill of a typical masala bollywood film which you have been unaware about since stoneage!! I was not so gung ho about this movie being nominated at almost all biggies in the Hollywood arena as I fail to find much Indianness in a film made by a foreign director(just as with the much acclaimed movie Gandhi). And I also agree with Big B when he recently said that why we Indians go crazy whenever we find anything India related getting nominated or even mentioned in their affairs? Are we so insecure/unsure about our own identity? I guess I would have another post on this point some other day. However I am absolutely gung ho about the fact that this movie has put the bollywood masala formula on the world map and it wont be a surprise in coming years to find many more India/bollywood centric/themed movies finding their ways to the Oscars.
Jai Ho Bollywood!

Parenting Blues

They say children are a gift of God. I can bet whoever said this never actually went through the arduous journey of raising one all by themselves. I have a 2 year old naughty son (from my legal wife that is !!) and all I can say is that it hasn't been what it's made out to be. Somewhere I read that parenthood is like a secret society, nobody tells you what goes on inside until you get in and when you do, it’s way too late !! Now don’t get me wrong here – I love children and I love mine more than anything else in the world(Note – All men like their own children but other’s wives!!). It’s also true that they bring along with them all the fun and innocence and all the good things which you would have never experienced otherwise. In fact this post is not to contest the pure and cherubic joy children bring to our lives. This post is to ponder over what lies beneath – the whims and fancies of a child which form an integral part of a child’s upbringing package and every parent’s seemingly unending travails.

I might agree that this post is more an outcome of the fact that I am witnessing the timeframe in a child’s initial years which is categorized as ‘Devil’s age’ and ranges typically from 1 year to 3 years. This is the age when they realize they have super powers they were never told before and start becoming naughtier, stubborn and literally ‘out of control’ in the process. Try telling them one thing and they do the exact opposite. Ask them to sit at one place and they start running all over. I have been browsing through the net to understand how to deal with the situation and bring in more discipline in the child. Almost all websites have one common set of points/theme to address the issue– lots of patience, love, affection and more patience. Some sites did go into the specifics as to how a child craves for attention and most of his actions are to attract other’s attention with his behavior/misbehavior. The underlying principle is to reward good behavior while censuring the child subtly for all the misdeeds he causes. I discovered further that the parents need to be consistent in exhibiting their behavior towards their wards lest they misconstrue one time laxity in rules as a manipulative tactic which can be adopted time and again to circumvent the rules and eventually become his/her personality.

All these sound logical and simple. However when it comes to the actual implementation, it’s not as easy. Imagine a situation when you are playing with your child all nicely with the mother gone out for some chores. All is going fine when suddenly Murphy and his mysterious law smiles at you !! The child starts behaving obnoxiously and as you are just about trying to manage him does the door bell go off and the cell phone starts ringing all at the same time. In the middle of all these, you also just realize that you have an ‘urgent’ biobreak to attend to which is giving you last minute warnings !! So how do you keep your cool in such a situation? Not just humanly possible. Another instance I would like to quote. Many a time I have family friends coming over and now almost all of them have same age kids. A very typical situation which almost every parent would identify with is the fight between the kids over sharing of some stupid toy. Now such a situation is quite tricky in the sense that since the toy belongs to my kid, he has the first right of ownership over it but the other kid being a guest too has the right to play with the toy. Now believe me its next to impossible to manage such a situation. There are some prescribed workarounds for such situations but I haven’t seen any of them really working. You should consider yourself lucky if you get any help from the guest parents(very rare), all in all a very tough situation to manage.

It would be inappropriate of me though if I don’t mention a few positive tricks which do work at times. One of them I have seen is to tell them with lot of affection and love about their act of indiscipline and how they should avoid it next time. But the key here is patience and perseverance. It wouldn’t seem to work initially but if you persist, it does have a positive effect. Another trick from my bag which does work to a great extent is to let your ward know that you would stop all means of communication with him/her if they misbehave. I am not sure if it’s a design attribute in a human being but the moment someone ignores you by not talking/communicating with you for a while, you just can’t take it for long. This holds true for children too and you can use this absolute non violent method very effectively for instilling discipline in them. My last tried and tested trick which one should know and implement only if everything else fails – just hold your child firmly when he is not listening to you and take him away to a different room in your house. By this time, the child would be crying at the top of his lungs. Now ensure that you have the most favorite thing/toy of the child kept in this room. Immediately hand it over/show it to the child and start playing with him. The key here is to distract his attention from whatever he was crying for. My 2 year old is crazy for digital camera(seems the boys are crazy for all electronic gadgets from day one of their life!!) and I use it as a diversionary weapon to make him forget whatever he was crying for. It really works. The child would stop crying as if nothing had happened a moment before and you wonder how virtuous their short term memory loss could be!!

While all the things I have penned above can not be done away with(neither do I want to really speaking), the experience is in itself so unique and enriching and one just has to witness it to understand...well the secret society!!