Daunting Endodontics!

Most of us hominids have 32 teeth in all. Well, let’s just say we have this instrument called tooth with which most of the mundane tasks such as eating, chewing, attacking (debatable) et all are done. So far this instrument is working fine in your body, you don’t even realize it exists, rather you don’t care it exists. The fun starts when the same tooth makes your life toothless, almost literally. As I realized this hard way, one of my ‘taken for granted’ teeth shifted its natural position and developed a cavity – this is similar to earth plates shifting deep below the ground leading to catastrophic Tsunami. The Tsunami which engulfed my mouth due to this cavity is called ‘Root Canal Treatment’ in medical lingo. I must swear – Dental fraternity was not in good mood when they formulated this treatment for us lesser mortals. Read on to find out why I made this teething statement about them…

“You have a void between your 2nd and 3rd molar” – these were the exact words of my dentist. I put together all my knowledge about English language to process this statement but to no avail. I asked back, trying to sound as smart as possible – “So doc, what would you recommend for me?” (I ain’t bad in pretending – somewhere I read that personality is the art of getting admired for qualities you don’t posses). The doc looked back at me and uttered very casually – “we would go for root canal treatment, as removal of your molars should be the last option”. These words sounded as if I have a last few days left to my life! My medically challenged brain once again started processing the term ‘Root Canal Treatment’ though I did hear a lot about it from many others. Before I could even ask my next question to the doctor, he was already ready with the fees he would charge me for this treatment. My jaws almost dropped after hearing the astronomical amount – 6000 bucks! I realized this is the precise reason that the Medical profession is never seen affected by recession. The thing with doctors is you can’t bargain with them as you would normally do in similar situations – ‘Hey doc, can you give me some discount as I am your repeat customer’ or ‘Doc, this is festival time man, give me some discount’. Somehow this culture of bargaining has not been applied to the medical fraternity, I strongly feel otherwise. I was further told that there will be 3 sessions to complete the treatment. I murmured to myself – so basically they would want you to endure the torture slow and steady – like the ‘Halal’ cut. 

I came back home with a heavy heart – took next 3 weeks to bring up all the courage to get started with the treatment. In my research on this topic during this time, I realized that this medical procedure (root canal) is invasive in nature (meaning they would invade your body in flesh and blood) and is a part of larger dental specialty called ‘Endodontics’ – Daunting Endodontics!

The D day arrived – my first session to face the Tsunami. I was told by the receptionist that the ordeal (she said process, I heard ordeal) would take about 30 minutes. After about 15 minutes of long wait, I was called in. As soon as I entered the dental room, all my fear came true or atleast, seemed to come true. Let me try to describe here what I saw and I leave it to the reader’s discretion to judge on my fear. That room had dim lighting, all the windows were covered with thick curtains through which no light could pass (yes, like a black hole), the shape and size of the room was just about enough to fit in one big sized elephant, in short - it was a dungeon. On three corners of the room stood 3 attendants, each one wearing a white mask and holding some kind of sharp instruments in their hands. The doctor himself was sitting in the middle of the room, face covered with white mask, his breathing sounding quite heavy and both his hands clutching a bunch of even sharper instruments. The 3 attendants were standing still in their respective positions (as if ready to attack the prey anytime), the doctor just signaled me to lie down on the special long sized chair (it looked more like an electric chair). I thought to myself – is this some kind of a trap? Am I being murdered? Why did they not check my BP as usually practiced my other docs? I haven’t even prepared my final will. Damn it. As I was checking these thoughts out, came a shrilling sound – yes, a high speed sharp edged drilling machine had started approaching my mouth. Fortunately the doctor finally spoke before the drilling machine could come any closer – ‘Just relax, this will have some sensitivity kind of pain initially. Please raise your hand if you feel too much of it’. What? Raise your hand! – is this some kind of game where you raise your hand upon someone’s elimination. I remember playing some such game in my school days. What if I get delayed in raising my hand by a few seconds or what if I raise my hand but the doc thinks I  am saying hi to him!  Nevertheless, the doc simply pulled the 2 ends of my ill-fated mouth with his hands and started injecting anesthetic liquid into the cavity (that injection needle was very awkwardly shaped, resembled an L shaped dagger to put it mildly). He sat back on his chair instructing me to let him know when I start feeling numbness in my mouth. By this time, I was quite convinced that I am being ‘eliminated’ in a cleverly orchestrated dental dissection. How else do you explain 4 masked people with sharp weapons in their hands holding you lying down in an extremely vulnerable position and waiting for you to pass out? As the local anesthesia kicked in, I felt numbness in my mind first and then in my mouth. The drill started – literally. First came in the drilling machine, then the pointed knife followed by some more injection of anesthesia and then some more sharper odd looking instruments – all of them going deep inside my mouth with no guarantee that they would come out ever. I was feeling occasional pain, clutched my fists, held on to myself, held on to my life and after 40 grueling minutes, was told to sit-up with my mouth still having no sensation. What I felt was that the built up psychology behind this whole thing psyches you up more than anything else. Probably I thought if my eyes were covered up too, I wouldn’t have felt as much pain since I wouldn’t know what’s going inside my agonized mouth.

I had the remaining 2 sessions done without as much pain as the 1st one. Root canal treatment should be introduced in Army commando training to test the Jawan’s physical and psychological endurance or it can be given out as a punishment for serious criminal offences. Such is the impact of surviving this treatment. I survived the trauma, I am recuperating, I promise I will write my next post with a better mind frame.

Corporate Mumbo Jumbo

The World Inc. has its own world to thrive in and the Corporate glitterati takes pride in defining its own ‘work’ culture which sometimes defies any known professional boundaries while at times borders on downright slapstick absurdity! But come what may, everyone who belongs to the Corporate echelon is confined to following these unspoken ‘rules’ and ‘laws’ lest they run the risk of offending the Corporate elite!! In my un-eventful career spanning more than a decade and half, I have become a partner in crime while embracing this ‘imposed’ culture and would like to recount and enumerate few of these Corporate tenets which have come to symbolize the white collared civilization and its idiosyncrasies. Here you go, my top 10 countdown –

10) While a normal homo sapiens would ‘start’ his day, a Corporate manager always looks ‘at the end of the day’. So while you have a meeting at 9AM on a dull Monday morning when your breakfast tea hasn’t even got settled down properly, you have your boss yelling at you when comes the most abused term from him - “…so team, no matter what you do or how you do it but at the end of the day, I want to see the result!!” and it goes on and on. I sometimes wonder, why wouldn’t a boss want the same results ‘at the middle of the day’ or ‘at the beginning of the next day’!! Seems it’s just a weapon in their huge armory to implant a psychological terror that if it doesn’t get delivered by the end of the day, it would be the end of the world for you, period.

9) Screaming at someone takes a whole new dimension in the eccentric Corporate world. Consider this – if you write a single word in CAPS in your mail (capital letters for the uninitiated), you are assumed to be screaming at the mail recipient. If the whole line is written in CAPS, you are assumed to be literally yelling at the recipient. I witnessed this screaming business being taken to a whole new level when I saw one particular mail (not directed at me) written in CAPS with red color font. I hope the recipient survived the mail and didn’t suffer a heart stroke!

8) You must have copied someone on your usual mails without much thought, right? Well, copying someone on your mail has its implicit connotations in this world. If you copy your boss while writing a mail to someone, you are trying to cover yourself. If you copy recipient’s boss, it means you are trying to escalate things. If you copy your direct report in your mail, you are delegating the work. If you copy no one in the mail, you are trying to ‘settle’ things with the recipient. Such is the power of carbon copy functionality while following the mail etiquette.

7) When is the last time you were ‘on the same page’ with your friend or your spouse or your parents? I am sure you haven’t exactly got that sentence per se and you are not to be blamed for that either. This ‘same page’ business is a must condition in the Corporate jungle. That’s right – you need to be on same page with everyone else while working with sundry and all. In plain language, it just means that there is a common understanding between you and the audience you are speaking to. Infact this is the most banal phrase dropped most often by the speaker in any regular meeting – “so gentlemen, are we all on the same page? “. It beats me to death to think why we always need to be same page? It smacks of herd mentality – if you are not on same page, you may be the odd one out. Someone was overheard blurting out in frustration “No - I am NOT on the same page with you, infact I am not even on the same paragraph, same chapter OR same book with you !!”

6) Acronyms play an important role on the Corporate planet. If you need to succeed in here, you got to be champion in mastering the short hand! When I first heard a top manager extolling the success the company has achieved, he went something like this “Team, FYI – our PAT for Q1 is $XYZ MM which is a jump of 10% YoY and 12% QoQ!! The GCCIT LoB has lauded our efforts and will be recognizing 5 FTEs in Q2 R&R”. In short, you need to master the art of the abbreviation (The word abbreviation itself needs an abbreviation!!)

5) “If you don’t improve your visibility, I am afraid I wouldn’t be able to elevate you” – there comes another term which is used by the wannabe managers to beat you up whenever they feel like. The term ‘Visibility’ in Corporate jargon signifies the impact of your performance on others (ideally, everyone in the organization). In other words, how famous you are in your office circuit determines how ‘Visible’ you are. Initially when I came across this term, I thought it was being referred to my ‘not so fair’ complexion – “Deven, you are not quite visible off late” – I took it as “Deven, you have darkened off late – or - are you into tanning business or something?” Now as I understand this term better, it has an added connotation – your visibility is directly proportional to the amount of 'shoulder rubbing' you have with the high and mighty in the organization. Well, if you ask me honestly - I am not 'visible' to even my wife yet!!

4) When it comes to having a telephonic meeting, the mention of ‘Mute’ business can’t be missed out. Put simply, every phone instrument has a ‘Mute’ button. Typically in an official telephonic meeting, everyone keeps himself on mute (hence inaudible) while the speaker of the meeting speaks up. One of the most common scene is when one of the attendants starts speaking up but without ‘un-muting’ himself. If there is a prolonged silence in the call, in all probability its due to someone speaking up while on mute. Someone from the audience has to then check with the team if anyone is speaking on ‘mute’. This business reached its height once when in one such meeting, there was a prolonged silence. Then there was some further prolonged silence. Suddenly a voice was heard “ Sorry guys I was checking if anyone speaking up while in mute but I realized I myself was on mute” !

3) OOO – if you have got good with abbreviations by now, then you should be able to get this one. OOO refers to ‘Out of Office’ and refers to an automatic email reply when someone switches on this functionality in his mail (while being not available in office). In my prolific experience dealing with mail etiquette, I have come to realize that the OOO message reflects the personality of the sender. Shorter the OOO message, higher in the hierarchy that person is – “On business trip, reachable on cell” indicates the sender is a heavy weight. If the OOO message runs in 10 lines, the sender is from some operation support team (for A, contact X; for B, contact Y and so on). If the OOO message is somewhat risqué, the person belongs to the HR department. If the OOO message has the minutest details such as what time and second the sender will be back in office, mostly that guy is from Finance team. One of the most ‘effective’ OOO message I came across recently – “I am out of office for this whole week. My replies will be delayed OR may not be replied at all” !!

2) A couple of talking points which are extremely common in Corporate meetings and I can’t miss mentioning them here – 1) Weather talk – yes, that’s right. The easiest way to break ice in a meeting with others or to start the conversation in an informal way is to talk about weather. This is more prominent when the callers (in a telephonic meeting) are in different countries – that makes it much more meaningful than when the 1st caller in 'Ramnagar' is asking about weather condition to the 2nd caller who is in 'Lakshman Nagar', if you know what I mean. 2) Weekend plan – this is another point of discussion more pronounced especially if you speaking with someone from the West. I am amazed to see that some people have an elaborate answer to offer when asked about their weekend plan. It’s as if they live just for the weekends!

1) Most oft repeated phrases or words –

a) I really appreciate your help here

b) My calendar is up-to-date

c) Placeholder for a meeting

d)Leadership (everyone is supposed to be a leader), team spirit/synergy/motivation (nothing can move without the ‘team’)

e) Customer/client comes first

f) ASAP, +1, w.r.t, PFA, PFB, EoD, TBD, IMO, AFIK, URGENT (in subject line), TL;DR

g) and the deadliest – “Boss is always right”

Long live the Corporatti!!

Die Another Day !

It’s been a while I wrote anything on the blog and I was feeling the literary ‘pinch’ for not taking up the mighty pen, err mighty keys (on the keyboard you silly) for a while. It also dawned upon me that my writing has been noticed and appreciated by a few good souls from highly unexpected quarters which gave me enough thrust to take up the mighty pen and resume my blog journey. Also I thought it would be a good omen to start the new year with a blog, which might provide me with enough life fuel in the form of creative catharsis which everyone of us so much long and crave for. This time around I thought of a subject which has been lingering around in my intellectual landscape for quite a while and it’s about a few life experiences which can be categorized as ‘once in a lifetime’ episodes and had me on the edge of life literally. Even though they are hair raising experiences which I went through involuntarily, I found it fun to recall and write them down. I said ‘fun to write them down’ as I have increasingly found it difficult to pen my writings on things which are presumably grave in nature – like politics, philosophy etc. May be I will take some more maturing up to develop a taste for them in writing them down. On second thoughts, I do have a taste for them but somehow haven’t found them palatable enough to be jotted down in ink (err in keystrokes). But for now, back to what I wanted to write about – a few unique life experiences which happened to me over the last 30 years or so (keep guessing my age) and have left an indelible mark on my psyche – some of them were life threatening – some of them were pure fun – some of them are just mentioned here with no particular purpose. Of course there are a few experiences which can be categorized as ‘heavenly or celestial’ which I can’t describe verbatim here for obvious reasons, so I will keep them for my ‘underworld’ writing (yes, I do have one and subscription to it is by invitation only!!). For the rest of the world, here I go –

How I met your mother ? - Part 1

The idea of this blog came from an American TV serial with the same name which is a popular if not a superhit sitcom from their regular lot and is aired on CBS if I can recall correctly (and on Star World in India). In fact I am a big fan of the female protagonist in the serial played out by a hot Canadian actress named Coby Smulders. I guess she has even starred in some Hollywood movies. Anyways, so back to my story – ‘How I met your mother’ is a simple but sweet story I would like to pass on to my progeny (2+ years old now) which would serve him as a proof that his dad wasn’t as boring and unromantic as he would like to believe when he grows up !! So here goes my son - your dad’s ONLY romantic venture which met with 100% success (needless to say the previous attempts were all big time flops and may not even qualify to be called ‘attempts’ at winning over fairer sex during his pre marital struggling days!)

Cut to December 2002. It all started with the news that one of my cousins Yogesh is all set to get married in a remote place called ‘Aamgaon’, a small hamlet near Gondia which is a town near Nagpur which is a city in the geographical center of India, a country in the....(talk about my geographical senses or lack of it!). Initially I had no plans to witness the marriage in person as I am really averse to attending family functions (I hate relatives!) and that too in a hamlet with no probability of even getting a mineral water bottle made me think twice. But a phone call from my parents did the trick – they informed me that they have received a prospective ‘Rishta’ which has come for me from a respectable family settled in Bhilai (a town near the same hamlet which is near ...well you got the idea!!) . My plans to visit the hamlet to attend cousin’s marriage got sealed with my sis sharing the insider info that the girl’s pic (which had landed in her hand as part of initial exchange of ladka/ladki’s biodata/horoscope between the 2 families) was simply ‘outstanding’ and that I should not miss the trip at any cost. So what was the common thread between the hamlet story and the prospective ‘rishta’ stuff – the Bhilai family was a close relatives of the Aamgaon’s bride family and would be present in full attendance in the December marriage in the hamlet and that I would have a chance to meet up with the ‘girl’. Considering my state of mind during that time, it was nothing short of a visit to ‘Mecca Medina’. Meanwhile my sis sent me the soft copy of girl’s pic which made my resolve to visit the hamlet stronger even if it meant risking my precious life due to the absence of potable water (well mineral water I mean!). So my son – your dad went all the way to a remote hamlet to meet your mother inspite of huge perceived threat to his life!! Please be always proud of this fact about your dad and yes, the first moral of the story for you is – a hamlet without the availability of mineral water is the best place to find your girl..!!

December 6th 2002 – I set off for the hamlet from Nagpur in a privately rented bus along with all the Baraatis for my cousin’s marriage. I had mixed thoughts with a good possibility that the whole boy/girl meet affair might just not even happen (too many factors play a role here if you follow the arranged marriage process closely). The Baraat reached the hamlet after an arduous 5 hours bus journey with most of the road being dusty and broken. My first impression about the hamlet was not that bad though – it was a kind of beautiful countryside dotted with a horizon line made up by steep rock hills all around. The flip side was - the roads were ‘pugdandis’ (can’t define this word, you ought to see it yourself to get the right definition) with most of the houses made out of red bricks (‘Kavelus’ in Hindi) and cows/cattle grazing at regular distances but since I was on a mission here, I braved all the odds without uttering a word. The Baraatis got busy in settling down in the ‘Janwasa’ which is a designated high area given out to them for getting ready for the evening marriage ritual. I, along with my father had already got to meet my prospective father in law which at least confirmed the ‘meet’ in the evening function. While the Baraat was getting ready for the marriage, I took out some time and went to a nearby hill rock with a few of my baraati gang members and really enjoyed the fresh breeze of air which is so rare in a cosmopolitan surrounding.

How I met your mother ? - Part 2

The Baraat started heading for the marriage venue by around 7 PM. I was wearing a fusion dress code for the event – a black jeans and a black blazer over a yellow colored full neck t-shirt. Surprisingly, I was looking less worse that day as per my own standards. I shook my legs and danced a bit along with other Baraatis and infact enjoyed it too even though I am not so much a ‘dance’ person. The long drawn marriage process started with Baraatis eventually reaching the venue, the first event being the ‘Varmala’ event wherein bride and groom put a big size ‘garland’ around either’s neck. Till this point in time, I had no inkling or clue about the ‘girl’ I was told about. Then suddenly from nowhere, my prospective father in law appeared and took my dad aside and whispered a few words which were inaudible to me. I could see my dad leaning sideward and then exchanging a few words with him before heading back towards me. Watching dad coming towards me, I pretended I had not seen/heard anything (as a son, I was taught not to be enthusiastic about girls in presence of elders). He pointed me towards the crowd at the other end of the marriage lawn and said ‘she is Sonu’ directing his fingers towards a group of girls with one of them wearing pink saree. I said ‘Sonu who?’ He looked at me and smiled and I got the message. As I was trying to have a good second glance at the pink saree clad girl, my dad had already disappeared as I saw him being led away by my father in law. As my eyes started tracing the ‘pink girl’ further, I saw her being introduced to my dad at the other end of the lawn. From this point onwards, it was a cat and mouse game with both of us being aware about what’s happening around. At times, I was following her in the grass lawn with couple of my Baarati gang members and at other times, she was following me and my gang along with her gang. Our eyes met a couple of times and she, contrary to the image of a typical Indian girl in such scenarios, didn’t have any expressions of ‘shyness’ or ‘coyness’ and that to me was unexpected from a town girl though in a way it made me more curious about her. In this cat and mouse game, I had absolutely no inkling about my cousin’s marriage for which I had come here officially. Neither was I getting any urge to drink mineral water in this whole game. So my son, the 2nd morale of the story is – venture in an inhabitable terrain (where there is no mineral water) ONLY and ONLY if there is a beautiful girl around!!

By midnight, all Baraatis had left the marriage venue and were back to Janwasa for the second phase of marriage ritual called ‘saat pheras’ which continues all through the night. Somehow I was feeling physically exhausted and tired as I didn’t have proper dinner/ food (don’t feel like eating in such a mass event) and I actually didn’t have any water as I just couldn’t bring up myself to swallow regular water served there. Though physically exhausted, my mind was racing with what I had seen/gone through and wanted to be back in the ‘mandap’ asap. But being an unathletic person that I am, I crashed in a makeshift bed in the Janwasa and was dreaming big time in my deep sleep. Somewhere around 2AM, one of my cousins came and started waking me up mentioning that my presence was required in the ‘mandap’ for some marriage ritual. I was still in a somnambulant stage to analyze what was happening, I just put my blazer on and went to the nearby ‘mandap’. And behold – I saw Sonu with the entire gang of hers already present in the mandap with the entire mandap brightly lit up and the saat pheras ritual in full swing. It turned out that I was called there to help out the groom save his shoes which were being targeted by Sonu’s gang as part of ‘Juta chori’ ritual which is a lighter side of an otherwise boring marriage rituals. The scene was straight out of ‘Hum Aapke hai Kaun’ movie with Salman/Madhuri having a similar ‘juta chori’ sequence in the movie. In this whole milieu as I was busy protecting the shoes from the evil eyes of the opposite gang, I was called by a couple of elderly people in the distant corner of the mandap. I thought I may just have to go and touch feet of a few elderly people (a typical routine in such functions and be back asap) but it turned out to be something different – before I could realize what’s happening around, I was being introduced to my prospective mother in law. She said a few nice things which I don’t recall now exactly and waived towards Sonu who was still engrossed in drawing up ‘Shoe’ plans with her gang. Mom in law gestured her to come towards where we were standing. My heart was racing at its pulsating high when all these drama was being enacted out. Both of us just said ‘hi’ to each other when introduced formally for the first time. I could not muster enough courage to keep looking/ staring at her as I was surrounded by at least 4 elderly people from all 4 directions. I just said Namaste to all and came back to my seat. The ‘Juta Chori’ episode was back on track and was played out to the climax where the opposite gang had to concede defeat as they could not lay their hands on the groom’s shoes (though my wife till date disputes this version saying her gang just did a favor by not pursuing the ‘juta’ any further). Whatever it might be, I did steal a few moments in that whole ‘juta episode’ with Sonu and tried to strike a conversation or two with her.

I left for Nagpur in the wee hours of morning after the last ritual of marriage called ‘Bidaai’ (bride’s journey to her new home) and upon reaching there, it was almost official that both of us were engaged. The marriage took place around 3 months later in March 2003 and both of us would always treasure and cherish our first meeting forever in our life. So my son, this is how I happened to meet your mother. And finally, the 3rd and the last morale of the story – chase a girl only if you are good at the ‘Juta chori’ business!!