God of Small Things

‘Anthropological bipedal Homo sapiens’ or simply put ‘Human beings’ are a very complex phenomenon and generations after generations have put in loads of efforts to decipher it and understand it better. However, to me that’s a very Aristotelian or may be philosophical way of looking at things. I for once am interested in small things in life and would like to explore it in detail as it would unfold in next few lines.

Talking about small things, quite often in life we come across situations wherein you have to act or not act in a certain way. Then there are some scenarios wherein you need to follow etiquette and don’t know the nuances while following those etiquette and you eventually end up committing a faux pa and then looking for an excuse to cover it up, if you know what I mean. Alright, so I thought why not compile a list of such situations/life events which are often harmless but does leave one (especially if the one is the one at the receiving end) pondering over it for quite some time and may alter his/her life for better or worse depending on the situation again. A note of caution – not everyone would identify with all the situations I am going to list out as I don’t expect my idiosyncrasies matching up with everyone’s wavelength as otherwise that would mean an ideal world from my perspective! So here it goes –

1. Whenever I have to enter a room full of people be it a waiting room at a doctor’s clinic or a social party/gathering, I always get goose bumps as do most of the others in such situations. So what do I do – if I am walking in along with a group of people, its an easy way out as you just hide yourself behind a few other brave souls and you would soon find yourself in the most obscure corner of the room (safest haven in such social dos where I feel absolutely safe and secure from the afflicting xenophobia). But if I am walking in alone, my strategy is different. I will try to look as calm as possible, I often even start chewing a bubble gum so as to look ‘kool’ or look absolutely cold and phlegmatic so that no one gives a second look at you for obvious reasons. Once this part is conquered, the second biggest challenge is to find the right place to park yourself (or your derriere if you allow me to be a little risqué) in such a do. Here I utilize my glancing skills to the core as I throw a cursory look all around taking utmost care that my eyes don’t collide with others (and if they do by serendipity, it should ricochet off in a nano second!) as that would mean reciprocating back the gesture. If the other person is smiling when the eyes meet, then you need to as well, if he/she frowns/is cold/don’t give a damn, then you need to immediately cut out the flitting eye connection pretending you never saw them and so on…basically a very tedious game to play which I hate really. Having done that, I analyze the most deserted spot in the room and head towards it again taking care that I don’t look at anyone else unless there is really a good looking face around which is a different story altogether and need a separate dedicated blog. Once I am seated or standing in the corner I just made my home, I try to look around for things I can kill the time with. If a magazine is lying around, I will start reading it or at least pretend reading it but these magazines are mostly dead boring. I mean at a doctor’s waiting room, you would find something like ‘Medical Journal - Gastroenterology and its advances’ which you in all likelihood might want to keep till your next divine reincarnation. If I don’t find a magazine, my best bet is my mobile phone. Hold the mobile in your palm and look extremely busy making faces while staring at the gadget. It gives an impression to others that you are engaged in something very important. Reality is that the mobile is running Tic Tac Toe and I am enjoying it to the fullest! However at a social do, it’s not a good idea to look so aloof and disconnected, so I try my best to find a known face and while away some time with him/her. If that fails too, I just hang around with my better half (they ain’t called better half for nothing!!). As a last resort when nothing works, I just make a quick exit of course after having the seven course meal and satisfying my carnal appetite l!! One often recurring instance which happens with me is – somebody approaches me with all warmth and says hi, hello etc. The problem is the fact that I somehow am not in a position to recall his name though I know I have seen the person before. For such awkward situations, I often ask for his email id which then gives me some idea as to who he is. Pls note that this never happens with a female face since that’s how men are designed to work!! Another problem I face often is the kind of topics I can talk about with a person whom I have met say just once before. So the conversation revolves around weather, food (in the party) and at most politics which I usually avoid if the person is now well acquainted. All in all, I hate going to parties. My bigger fear now is that someone with not so close relations reads this blog and I ran into him in a social do!!
   

2. When I have to dial a telephone/cell# manually, I have lot of trouble when the entire number containing around 10 digits at a minimum are placed closely (juxtaposed!) to one another without any gaps…I mean on one hand you are dialing digits on the dial pad, then you have to look up the number to check next digits and there exactly lies the pain! You have to literally strain your eyes so much to see which was the last digit dialed in and then pick up from there. Really a strenuous job since I also have this phobia that if I delay in keying in the numbers, the phone might hang up or may mal function. I am just waiting for the technology revolution which will make voice dialing a common feature though I know it still would require me to read out the number aloud and that is equally painful!
   

3. Colour blindness – First of all, let me straighten it out – I am no colour blind. But then as my opening line of this blog mentioned - we anthropoids are a complex creature. I mean cant we keep it simple when it comes to colours? I can just about deal with the basic color god created - red, blue, green yellow etc. the ones we were taught when we were in Kinder. All my life I was under blissful belief (or ignorance as some would call it) that this is what all one should know about colours in life literally speaking. My simple world came crashing down when off late I realize how little I know about colours. Let me start with my struggle with a colour known as ‘Purple’. Is it light violet? If so, why name it differently as ‘Purple’? I mean c’mon keep things simple – that’s how men are designed for life and I have no doubts left in my mind that these extra terrestrial colours were coined and invented by women – Pls, can you ever put a stop to this brutality? Back to my story – Purple is also called ‘Lavender’ – WHY? Why on earth you have to name the same colour differently? Crimson – dictionary defines it as ‘deep purplish-red’. Amazing!! Isn’t it? Wait, the torture has just about started. How about ‘Peach’ colour? Its light pinkish yellow as of a peach. If you have to name a colour after a fruit, then why not follow similar rule for all colours? Call yellow as sun, red as strawberry or Mars (red planet), green as leaf and blue as sky. I just wish there is an international forum like ‘International Chroma Association’ governing the rules and regulations around colour naming and colour invention and everything related about colours. Well, let’s not deviate here and let me now take you deeper into the world of colours with no mercy. White – simple pure colour signifying peace and tranquility. Let me shatter it now – Ivory, Magnolia, off-white, cream and the list is endless. Another instance - Pink – a very romantic colour to me. Now see how the romance is killed when you hear – Fuchsia, Magenta, carmine pink, coral pink and what not. Some more random colours to wreck your brain (pls do not faint if you fall in my category of colour blindness) – Burgundy, Vermilion, Amber, Tangerine, Maroon, Sepia, Mustard, Olive, Saffron, Chartreuse, Emerald, Aqua, Turquoise, Denim, Sapphire, Mauve, Orchid and the list is serpentine. Honestly speaking, if you could relate even 25% of these colours, you qualify to be a genius for me. When I did some more research on colours, I was baffled further to see that the dictionary defines excruciatingly niche words just to describe the properties of these colours. Words like shade, tint, hue, saturation, contrast and so on really got into my nerves and I decided to call it peace and dwell no more further. When I was about to sign off from my lappy, I came across this line on the net – “Additionally, computer displays have somewhat limited gamut, so many colorful pigments cannot be represented on screen at all, and computer simulation of the natural world is at best a rough approximation.” So basically I am not sure how many colour I do believe I know are really the ones I am looking for.
   

As there are many more such small things in life which are vying to get some space here on this post, I thought I would pause here and would keep updating this post as and when I get disillusioned by them.